So my psych said something really helpful to me this weekend. 

I told him that after I have a few good days, I feel bad for a day or so. Like I’ve used up all the happy hormones in my brain, and I have to take a day or two to replenish them. 

And he pointed out that, like love, happiness is not a finite resource. We don’t have to “replenish” our ability to be happy. But if I go into life thinking “okay, that’s enough happy, I guess it’s a sad day now” then I will always be like that.

It’s only been a few days but overall… it’s working. When I start to feel sad, I start to think “bugger, I’ve used up my happiness for the next few days” and like. That’s not it at all. Just not. And it’s helped me pick up again. 

So that’s a cool new trick if I can keep it up. 

Good news, bitches, I might be spending a day in Hawaii because plans keep fucking changing omg.

Mental health stuff below the cut, but it’s not bad. But I like to trigger warn anyway. 

I also had my last in-person session with my psych because he’s about to go on holidays for two months, and then I’ll be gone. We’ll continue doing sessions via Skype, which I’m delighted at.

And high key, super sad I didn’t know he was also into hippy wank until our second last session.

He’s been my longest psych, and my second longest therapeutic relationship. I used to only last six or seven sessions with a psych because I’d be “better”. And then I’d relapse after six months, and take another six months to convince myself to get a new psych. And this time, I’d decided to KEEP going to the psych, even when I felt better. And SHOCKER I haven’t had a major relapse since. 

I had a small one, last year, because we fucked with my meds and TURNS OUT when you don’t sleep for a month, yeah, you’re gonna have issues.

Anyway. Point is. I was really sad to say goodbye and am really grateful he’s willing to see me via Skype. I’m hoping to still see him once a month when I move, because he’s a Good One. 

And he gave me a crystal for my journey, and he even gave me a hug. And I started crying in reception after because I really, really appreciated him.

And yesterday was my second last appointment at my skin/laser clinic, and I also felt super sad because like, when you see someone at least once a month for two years, you develop a weird kind of friendship, and you care about them. And so it’s a bit sad.

But like.

I’m a hippy wanker by nature. And my favourite beauty technician is actually leaving that salon this month. My boss is leaving my team. Like, all the little things that were making me sad to leave are slowly disappearing ANYWAY and me being me, I go “The UNIVERSE IS MAKING THIS EASIER FOR ME TO SAY GOODBYE”.

Dear Universe, please don’t hurt my family, or I will be ANGRY. And I won’t leave if anything happens to my family.

Anyway. Things are slowly falling into place, and it’s nice even if it is a bit sad. I’ll be fine. It’s all a good thing. But goodbyes are never easy, even when they’re happy and positive.