Aiiiiii. I’ve read a LOT of fanfiction in my life. Like, I’ve been fanfictioning since I was 12. I’m 27 now. When I’m in a big phase I’ll chew through 60-100k words a day.
That’s a LOT of fanfiction.
And this might be my favourite. I’ve had a few be favourites before, but this just… takes it somewhere new.
It’s hilarious, dry, heartwrenching, witty, clever, and hotasfuck. Like, I’m going to be rereading this at least six times because I need to learn to write like this because this is the exact style I go for. Except I’m not witty.
We PROBABLY won’t procreate as that isn’t an interest of ours, and I have 9000 health issues…
BUT my favourite name is Sebastian. And this was pre-Sebastian Stan. Ever since Sebastian Fucking Smythe became my sweet little bb and I’ve played him, and written the fuck out of him… I LOVE the name Sebastian.
And I wanna name my kid that.
BUT I cannot name one of my characters Sebastian because if we have kids, I’ll wanna call him Sebastian.
Because I do TERRIBLE things to my characters. Really mean, cruel, fucked up things. Or they just have a lot of gay sex. With layers of angst. So much angst.
And like, can you imagine I’ve named one of my kids Sebastian and he saw the character I name Sebastian? He’d be traumatised more than he already is!
So I had to check with Simon if Sebastian was a possible name. Cause if he said FUCK NO, then I’d be able to name a character that.
But he didn’t. He likes it.
So I guess if we spawn, our kids name is Sebastian.
[PS. If we have a girl, her name is Evelyn, nicknamed to Eevee YEAHHHHHHH]
I’m tired of girls trying to invalidate their own feelings during times of pain, especially to their friends. Your break up meant something. That friendship you lost was a hard blow. I understand why you feel tired this semester. Sometimes this “modern woman” stereotype is patriarchy’s last attempt; patriarchy disguised as feminism. You don’t have to be “wise beyond your years”; your pain and crying does not mean you are not intelligent. If you feel your friends demand justification for your pain and ordeals, they’re not friends. You’re strong but human. Remind yourself emotional space is part of liberation.
my life has gotten exponentially better since I abandoned the “I was once a kid in AP programs and now I’m a subpar to average adult like the rest of the rabble, boohoo, woe is me” mindset and wholeheartedly adopted the fact that I’m a big loud dumbass and I’m going to make it everyone’s problem
Lately I’ve been working lots of writing. And I felt my characters were flat and boring in one fic.. So I did a myer Briggs test on them. And it was an amazing idea.
So I started a few thing this week… And the MB didn’t feel right. So I did their horoscopes. And fuck me, it’s so fucking good and right for them.
And somehow I love… That you can have the same writer and such different approaches for different things and idk I’m happy with myself
Hear me
It’s funny. No matter where I turn, everyone always says one of my greatest fears is that nobody will hear me.
It doesn’t matter where I go. It’s always on the hippy spectrum. A kinesiologist told me it’s the cause of many of my issues. My chakras. My star signs. My second most popular fanfiction.
Everything links back to a fear of not being heard. Hear me hear me hear me.
And if you’d asked, I’d never have thought of that as a fear of mine. I fear abandonment. I fear being told that I’m so bad I am not worthy of love. I fear being too much, I fear being not enough.
But being heard? That wasn’t a fear.
Yet when I think about it… The things I do… I’m always writing. I write because someone always ends up telling me that what I say has value.
One of my favourite lines is “it’s addictive the minute you let yourself think that the things you say just might matter to someone”.
And I realise… I write and speak and I express… And I just so desperately want to feel heard.
hannahbelleeeebackup 