musings on big and little fandoms

So. On one hand, being a part of Big Fandoms like Teen Wolf and Captain America/MCU is awesome. SOOOO much fanart. More fanfiction than I can possibly get through (I’ve had to put a limit on myself finding more because all three of my devices have about 30 tabs of new fics on them…). It’s AMAZING. Fics for every mood!

But it’s also hard to find a place in it. Like… it’s SO huge. How does anyone find you? And like… All the ideas I’ve had have been done. I wanted to write a Marvel x Martian crossover… But it’s been done. And sure, the ideas are different, but like… There are just so many cool people who have done it all. And I feel small and tiny.

I used to be primarily involved in smaller fandoms. And that was amazing. Everyone knew each other. But despite our best efforts, there wasn’t ever a huge amount of fan work. So you’d like… NEVER HAVE ENOUGH.

And I mean. I don’t CHOOSE my fandoms. I just fall into them (deeeeeeeep – I fall into them deeeeeep). But it’s just an interesting thing… I love and hate them both for different reasons.

I just wanna write fic and not feel like a dumbass basically.

enbyofdionysos:

stilesisbiles:

commandtower-solring-go:

paxpinnae:

gstringofsuburbia:

frances-still-needs-her-revenge:

anchorarms:

gstringofsuburbia:

in 1994 when green day first became famous, they invited pansy division, an openly gay punk band, to open for them for the entire dookie tour knowing full well the responses would be mixed. in 2016/2017, on their revolution radio tour, green day chose only female led punk bands to open for them to help create recognition for these artists in a male dominated scene. this band has always been using their voices for the right reasons and i love them so much for that.

And Against Me! Is opening for them too! A band fronted by a trans woman! Fuck yeah Green Day

If I’m not mistaken, there was a prom somewhere that was cancelled one time because a lesbian couple wanted to go, so Green Day rented a venue and had a prom for them. Not sure about accuracy, my mom told me about that

yes this is true as well!! green day helped to fund and organize this second prom when the first one was cancelled. the second prom was actually open not only to the students of the school, but also to any other lgbtq+ students as well as supporters in the state of mississippi who wanted to attend as well!!

Billy Joe Armstrong once literally leapt into the crowd at Green Day show and drop-kicked a guy who wouldn’t leave a girl alone.

This exemplifies how do to representation right. Being a straight ally doesn’t mean creating things for LGBT+ people. Its about giving those who are already creating a better stage. 

He’s not a “straight ally” he’s bisexual.

He’s not a “straight ally” he’s bisexual.

The serums amplified Steve & Bucky’s feelings for each other

verysharpteeth:

shanology:

image

Dr. Erskine:

“The serum amplifies everything that is inside, so good becomes great; bad becomes worse.”

I’ve been thinking about this fantastic post that discusses the scientific effects of the super-soldier serum on Steve Rogers’s brain.  It’s based on info from the Avengers exhibit in Times Square, and what it concludes is that after the serum, “Steve just feels more.” Because of the changes to his amygdala, everything Steve felt would have been amplified – joy, pain, loyalty, all of it. What this made me realize is:

The serum would have increased everything Steve felt for Bucky.

Whether you ship the idea of a romantic connection between those two or not, Steve loved Bucky. Bucky was his person, 100%, ‘til the end of the line. They’d spent most of a lifetime developing love and loyalty and friendship. Steve might have had some hero worship going on, because Bucky was everything he wanted to be: strong, able to fight for the little guys, charming, loyal. But once he got hit with Erskine’s serum, everything – every one of those feelings – would have been amped up, magnified. If Bucky was his person before the serum, afterwards, Bucky would have been everything. This is why Steve was willing to risk his life, to disobey orders, to hop in a Jeep and go chasing across Europe by himself to rescue the man. There was never a possibility he could do otherwise, because every bit of love he’d built up over a lifetime was driving him forward.

The serum amplified all of Steve’s feelings, and his love and loyalty for Bucky would have become absolute devotion.

image

image

But Bucky got Zola’s version.

Whatever Zola did to Bucky before Steve rescued him, it was already acting upon him in fundamental ways – otherwise, there’s no way Bucky could have survived the fall from the train. But what if Zola’s version tended to increase the negative feelings more? I feel like we see some of this in the bar scene, when Bucky complains, “I’m invisible.” Sure, he’s joking, but he’s being pretty hurtful and taunting about how Steve had been treated in the past.

Maybe Bucky had always been a little envious of Steve, envious of the goodness he saw in Steve that he believed he, himself, didn’t possess. And now Steve has all of that inner perfection but has the outer shell to match; he’s caught up to Bucky in the one area where Bucky ever believed he had even the slightest advantage over Steve. And Bucky’s slight twinge of envy becomes a hot streak of jealousy.

Maybe Bucky isn’t feeling jealous, but possessive. Steve has always been his, exclusively – Bucky’s the only one who ever recognized his value. To Bucky, Steve was like that secret spot you find where you can sit and watch the sunrise in perfect isolation; only suddenly the rest of the world has discovered his secret place. With his feelings amplified, Peggy’s interest in Steve might have hit Bucky like a physical blow, because he’s being forced to share his Steve with everyone, just when he desperately needs him the most. And all Bucky can do is lash out – at Steve, who brought this on by taking the serum.

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Or maybe, Bucky is truly angry. Because he’s just been through hell and he’s nowhere near recovered – look at the disheveled uniform, and the fact that he’s sitting alone tossing back drinks while the rest of the Commandos party and sing in the other room. He’s survived torture, and then Captain America sits down and asks him to rejoin the fight. And because of the serum…he can’t say no. His love and loyalty for Steve have always been stronger than fear; he’d take on any challenge to protect Steve. Now, even though the fear has been increased, so have the other feelings. Maybe, with the serum running through his veins, he literally can’t say no. Maybe he tries – his first response is “Hell no,” but he can’t stick with that, because he has to protect Steve. So maybe Bucky is angry – that he can’t make himself walk away – and hurt, that Steve even asked this of him. And all he can do in that moment is try to hurt Steve, too.

But what if it’s not a negative feeling being amped up? Maybe (hello, Stucky shippers!) what we’re seeing is Bucky’s reaction to all the love he feels for Steve being amplified out of control. Because Bucky has always tucked those feelings away; buried anything but brotherly affection, not about to taint Steve with feelings that Bucky has decided are dark and wicked. With the serum, he can’t deny it anymore, can’t hide from what he feels, what he wants. He tries drinking, and it’s not enough. Maybe he’s afraid he’s given himself away, by telling Steve he’ll follow him anywhere. So he tries flirting with Peggy, but it fails, because even she can see how magnificent Steve is, and Bucky’s heart wasn’t really in it anyways. Then Bucky does the only thing that makes sense to him – he tries to be mean, to push Steve away before Steve figures out that Bucky wants so much more from him than he ought to.

 

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It’s heartbreaking to think of Steve and Bucky’s feelings for each other being amplified by the serums they’ve been given.

Because it just makes it that much more painful that Steve has to watch Bucky fall. That Bucky falls knowing he won’t be able to protect Steve any longer. That all of their feelings for each other – love and loyalty and respect and devotion – have been increased, and their ability to feel anguish and loss has increased right along with it. The serums made Steve and Bucky more fully themselves, amplified everything that made them who they were – and at the core, what made these two was each other.

While that theory is interesting, it takes away some of Bucky’s free will again. Bucky is…Bucky. Everything that’s happened to him is enough fuel to make him act like he does WITHOUT the serum. And the serum DOES amplify the good in him, HE just doesn’t know that. Even the Winter Soldier wasn’t a twisted wreck like Red Skull was. He was a functioning, efficient human. The same thing would have happened to Steve had he been captured and brain washed.

As for his “jealous” behavior…first off, he’s barely holding himself together because of the torture. Add to that his idiot best friend has done the EXACT thing he tried to get him not to do, only now he’s not just the idiot friend any more, he’s a rival in a different way than he ever was before. Little Steve was a handful, but Bucky could wrangle him. Bucky was always the lead. Bucky was the good looking, smart, friendly stud. Now Steve is that too. Bucky isn’t the “pretty” friend any more. He probably hasn’t even really thought deeply about it, but that’s unsettling. And it’s not so much jealousy (sure there’s a bit of resentment that he’s been tortured and lived in mud while Steve just waltzes in and plays the hero), as it is there’s a power shift.

So you’ve got PTSD from torture along with a massive power shift in a friendship, added to the fact that the idiot friend is STILL doing reckless stuff, only now Bucky has no way to stop him.

Bucky doesn’t need the serum to affect him. The serum working on STEVE affects him enough.

boogiewoogiebuglegal:

steverogersorbust:

also, on the subject of steve’s superhuman status…

i felt like this movie was brutally heavy-handed about showing us just how much steve’s body can take. like, we get a hint of it in first avenger but even steve isn’t sure by the end of the movie the entire scope of what his body can do–what can be done to it. then in the avengers, we get a little more…ideas about his endurance, his agility, his combat skill–but they’re just glimpses, and really, nothing earth-shattering is discovered.

and then this fucking movie comes along, and all of a sudden, the audience is seeing in visceral constant detail just how super this soldier has become.

steve fights like lightning in a bottle–he’s a tremendous force in a contained, controlled package. we see his skill, but more than that, we see how his skill is the vehicle for his power. how many times do we get it reiterated that this dude is magnificent? the very first scene of the movie is all about how he’s running THIRTEEN MILES in 30 minutes like it’s nbd. and then rumlow pointing out steve’s jump sans parachute and how well he was single handedly taking on the ship’s crew before rumlow landed. and then his fight with batroc, how it’s very specifically meant to show that even without the shield, steve is more than capable. that he can withstand things and do things other human beings can’t. that HE and HIS FISTS AND FEET AND MASSIVE MUSCLES AND CORE STABILITY can and will fuck you up. the entire first half of the film is all about steve being a force to be reckoned with, not just as a person but as a body, as a physical presence. 

and as the battles escalate, so too do the stresses on steve’s body. every new thing was like a dare. a step further. a question–how much can this guy withstand?

steve, leaping through a window into ANOTHER BUILDING ENTIRELY, crashing through WALLS like they’re nothing, running at top speed and withstanding the force of throwing the shield and being thrown the shield, stopping a hairsbreadth from the edge of the roof.

steve, getting ambushed in an elevator, several burly and skilled men and their assorted weapons against him. this scene is SO important–those little electricity things that rumlow zapped steve with at length and several times? remember how a tiny little zap was enough to knock out that french mercenary? yeah, well, it barely pHASED steve even after it’s stuck to his gut for like 30 agonizing seconds, repeatedly. that whole scene is an exercise in showing the audience that steve literally has the strength of multiple men, maybe even more. (and he knows it, too. it’s why his fairness, the fact that he gives those goons the OPTION TO GET OFF THE ELEVATOR, is so much more remarkable than it otherwise would be. because he knows what his body is capable of now. and it’s a fucking lot.) 

oh and then he leaps out of the elevator and falls several thousand feet at full speed and not only lives but barely staggers after a couple minutes of shaking it off and then he leaps onto a moving jet and disables it before somersaulting to the ground? this isnt just innate confidence, it’s a lack of fear borne from the knowledge that his body can take it.

like sitwell said–“are you kidding me?” it’s pretty significant that in a world of superheros and mutants and gods, sitwell is shocked by a SUPERSOLDIER and what his body can do. as well sitwell should be, tbh.

bc MULTIPLE TIMES steve uses his own body as a buffer between the shield and people he’s protecting–two times with nat and a potentially catastrophic and close range explosion and once FALLING OUT OF A FUCKING SPEEDING VEHICLE. he knows the shield will provide the first line of defense, but he also knows his body is capable of creating another. his body becomes a shield, too. a weapon and a tool.

and it’s worth noting that he’s posed as superhuman by acting as a mirror to another superhuman. when he’s fighting bucky on the bridge, he matches bucky move for move–i still cant decide whether that fight is meant to drive hom how powerful bucky is or steve, tbh. like, on one hand, we already KNOW how strong steve is, so the fact that bucky is fighting him shows the audience this isnt just an assassin–he’s souped up more than the average human. but on the other hand, we see early on how fast and powerful bucky is, and when we see his fist hit the shield we get a sense of his incredible strength even more, and that just shows us AGAIN how very strong steve must be to keep up with him and fight him like an equal.

anyway, the next round of death defying comes with the helicarrier business. and a lot of his awesome comes from how well he moves and how tactical he is, but there are elements–when he leaps into the open air and freefalls waiting for sam to catch him, when he uses his upper body strength to fucking climb up the outside of the helicarrier after being thrown off the side–that you’re reminded again that beyond him being a great soldier, he’s also got a body that is a conduit for all that knowledge, all that skill. and that body is a weapon unto itself.

guys. guys, he’s shot MULTIPLE TIMES and STABBED and he just wrestled a super assassin into submission and he STILL makes it up to change the blade for the helicarrier. and when the helicarrier is crashing, he stILL has enough strength to move a steel beam off bucky. and then he SITS THERE AND GETS PUNCHED REPEATEDLY IN THE FACE BY A METAL HAND. this is the first time we really see steve rogers bleed in this movie. the first time we really see how exhausted and worn down he must be. THE FIRST TIME in TWO HOURS–after multiple battles and running away and fatigue and villains.

but even as he bleeds, he lives. he’s alive. conscious. TALKING. as a viewer, at this point, i was just like–how much can steve take??? how much MORE??? and it seemed that steve would keep answering me with “i could do this all day!”

except then he falls into the potomac. but EVEN THEN we don’t see him get mouth to mouth. we see bucky drag him to shore and leave and steve’s breathing on his own. his lungs are EXPELLING THE WATER IN A THIN STREAM OUT OF HIS MOUTH. steve is literally defying everything i know about drowning and breathing in this scene. his body 😦 so magic 😦

given all this, the fact that one of the last scenes of the movie was steve in a hospital…it feels right. it feels like we finally get to see steve slow the hell down and take CARE of himself. it feels like there was a natural culmination to all that getting beat up and beating other people up, and it’s there in that hospital bed, waking up with his wounds not yet healed, showing that as superhuman as he is, even he has some limits.

but those limits are pretty well fucking beyond most powered humans, imo. and that’s another reason i love steve rogers.

^^^ All of this.

jayleeg:

dailyteamcap:

It was quite the buzz around here, finding you in the ice.

This scene was meant to play as a joke and I admit I thought Coulson’s crush adorable, too, and got laughs out of it but I can’t imagine how weird and off putting that would be to wake up to. 

Trading cards? Comics? This massive legend that accumulated while you slept. Steve went from a stage show where he was thought of as a bit of a joke, to war as a special forces officer, who went down on the ice when the war was still raging behind him, to waking up to an instant celebrity status and this grand ideal of who Captain America was supposed to be that mankind had developed without him. I’m guessing none of this helped Steve in dealing with his massive dissociation nor the fact that both his MCU and his comic persona has a hard time juggling Steve Rogers, who only a few handful of people want to know, with Captain America, who everyone and their mother’s cousin has built up in their head.

#marvel meta#captain america#steve rogers#thissssss is why it’s always important to differentiate#and why I very much enjoy writing bucky as hating cap & loving steve

greenbergsays:

poebucky:

chaneladdict:

moon-saph:

chrisebastian:

why 

is 

bucky

always

on

steve’s 

left

side?

can someone explain this bc all i can come up with is because that’s where the heart is…….?

When Pre-serum Steve was with Bucky, He was partially Deaf, So bucky always had to stay on his Left side to talk to him due to his right ear not hearingthe best, probably from all the illness he had. 

Bucky just naturally stays on that same side, even when Steve hears perfectly fine. 

You wanna bet his trolling ‘on your left’ came from what Bucky’d do when sneaking up so he didn’t scare the shit out of him?

let me die

tbh i am not ok right now

I need to write a fic about this, gdi.