In other news, I watched TWS at work again today and I 100% do not understand how people do not see the suicidal ideation/behavior in the helicarrier fight I can no longer comprehend how that happens and I really kind of want to know how?? People don’t get that from that scene
I think you hit on the issue in your tags: Steve’s depressed, but the people who tend to think that he’s just being ~heroic~ don’t see him as depressed and thus don’t see the correlation. I mean, I tend to lurk in the side of fandom that’s pretty much in agreement that he’s definitely depressed and suicidal, so I haven’t really seen many nay-sayers. But in general, people tend to think that depression is this wallowing sadness where all you can do is lie in bed and cry, and Steve isn’t like that. The apathetic type of depression (which is what I think he has and it’s what I have) is the one ignored the most by people because it’s so hard to tell. Apathetic depression is easy to hide, because you usually end up going through the motions of life because that’s all you know how to do, and the effects are largely eternal.
And honestly, as a super soldier who already isn’t as affected by various things a normal human is, Steve’s behavior may look like heroism to someone on the outside, even though he’s doing those things to see if at least some feeling can be incited in him, regardless if it’s harmful or not.
I freaking hate roller-coasters, but when I was in a depressed episode and went to a theme park with my family, I went on rides I normally wouldn’t even think about going on, because at least blind panic and fear is something, you know? While my family, on the other hand, is going “hey, I thought you hated roller coasters, guess that changed!”
And the best thing is that a lot of the time you don’t realize you’re even doing that kind of behavior. Steve wasn’t thinking about committing suicide, I don’t think, at least not consciously in a lot of the movie. I think it had been on his mind, and I think unconsciously the thought was always there, but I don’t think he thought letting Bucky beat him and kill him was committing suicide; instead he thought it was saving Bucky. But the unconscious suicide ideation that has followed him through the last years is what was really was driving him.
I hope this makes sense? I mean, like, he’s not going to admit that he’s suicidal, and I don’t think he would actively seek it out, as in go “I’m going to commit suicide”, but it’s definitely there in the background, and I think NT people have trouble seeing that because they’re not used to the background suicide ideation that depressed people live with, which may color your actions, but you’ll never straight up admit.
I am really baffled by the people attacking AO3 for hosting stories that involve rape, incest, pedophilia, and other dark things. Have…have they never been to a bookstore or library? People write stories about all manner of dark, horrible things. This is not remotely new. And at least on AO3 and other fandom platforms, the dark things are generally tagged. In bookstores and libraries, not so much.
V.C. Andrews was freaking popular when I was in jr. high and high school. Her books were in the school libraries. They needed to be stamped with trigger warning: EVERYTHING, but mainly things from the fun list of rape, incest, pedophilia, and child abuse. Her books are still sufficiently popular that there are new ones coming out despite the fact that she’s been dead for years!
Her books are in the library I work at. Her books are in most bookstores. Her books are probably still in the libraries of the jr high and high school I went to. Does that mean anywhere that has her books supports rape, incest, pedophilia, and child abuse?
That’s not how it works. Yes, there are occasionally things that a store or library will decide they don’t want to carry, no matter what. The first bookstore I worked at wouldn’t even special order The Turner Diaries. A lot of bookstores won’t even special order The Anarchist Cookbook. I’m sure there are other books out there that people are reluctant to touch, even with a ten foot pole. But, barring those few exceptions, most bookstores and libraries are not in the business of policing the content of the books they deal in.
Not because booksellers and librarians are all monsters who should be reported to the FBI, but because there’s a long history of censorship going very bad places very fast. Also, free speech is considered an American value. Hell, let me just link to the ALA page on censorship.
I don’t pretend to know why stuff like V.C. Andrews’ books, or the fics on AO3 that some people want to report to the FBI, are popular. I don’t get it. It doesn’t appeal to me. Yet I recognize that different dark things are in kinds of fiction that I do like – violence, murder, torture, war, other things that most of us really fervantly hope never to experience in our lives. I don’t know whether fiction is an outlet for whatever darkness lurks in everyone’s hearts, whether it’s a way of dealing with our fear of bad things happening, whether human culture just finds bad things fascinating, or what. Maybe humanity is just super fucked up and Pluto really is a warning buoy telling other civilizations not to go near the planet with the creepy mammal infestation on it.
But I don’t think going after fic platforms because some of the fic hosted there is disturbing is a solution to anything. (And if the people doing so are not also on an equivalent campaign against bookstores and libraries, I suspect that what’s going on is not what they claim is going on.)
VC Andrews was ABSOLUTELY the first thing I thought of when I started hearing about this, because hoooooo my god. And I definitely remember being able to get my hands on those at a young age.
There’s plenty of shit I don’t want to read on AO3. Luckily, that stuff – or at least most of it! – is TAGGED, so I don’t have to. That’s the ENTIRE POINT. It’s not breaking a law, and you are not being forced to read it.
Fandom purity politics are fucking tiring.
“Have…have they never been to a bookstore or library?”
This!!!
I work in a library. Specifically, I work in the children’s section. Obviously, that’s where we keep age appropriate books.
But nothing is stopping those children from wandering around the library and reading a graphic book. Nothing but their parents, that is, but let me tell you, people treat the library like daycare.
It’s not my job to watch over those children and hold their hand. It’s not my responsibility, nor do I want it to be, either in person or online.
You make your own fandom experience. At least fanfiction is tagged.
I worked at a book store. A kid wanted to read Steven King’s “It”. That book has abuse and sex and sex between children and isn’t appropriate for 13 year olds.
That’s not my call to make since it wasn’t my kid, but I did ask the parent if they’d read the book and when they said they hadn’t I did take the parent aside and let them know there is adult content. The parent then decided they weren’t comfortable getting them that book, so I suggested other Steven King books that are less graphic and more age appropriate for a kid that wants to read adult horror (Carrie, Pet Cemetery) and the Meddling Kids which has a similar plot like to “IT” (people who dealt with a monster as children return home as adults to deal with monsters again) but is more grown up Scooby Doo level stuff.
(Seriously, someone needs to write a YA horror series because kids need something between RL Stine and Steven King).
So the kid got three books instead of one big one, and still got what they were looking fo and I felt good about it but you know what – most book sellers would have probably just sold the book since the job is to make sales. And no library would have stopped a kid from checking “It” out.
But just because “It” is not for children doesn’t mean it shouldn’t be available for anyone. Because after the movie came out my store sold out of “It” for awhile and I had a man come in who bought that last copy in the store. He told me he’d never been in a bookstore before and he hadn’t read a book since he was forced to read books for school as kid.
So many adults just stop reading after High School.
And here is this man who is going buy and voluntarily read a giant book (“It” is a brick and could have been split into smaller books). That’s amazing!
Books are a good thing, even if they aren’t for children or aren’t for everyone and have disturbing things, people enjoying books doesn’t hurt anyone.
And if people are reading stories online instead of books, hey they’re still reading!
Using your brain faculties to analyse what yu read – or do not read and do not want to read – is a thing! Reading something does not equal either supporting that hting, wanting to experience the thing, wanting someone esle to experience the thing. We read – and write – a lot of things for a lot of different reasons that are not in an one-to-one correlation with reality. This is why it is called FICTION. A few facets and purposes of fiction is to allow or make you to think or experience emotions – also those that you might never encounter in reality, or analyse concepts that are safer to analyse in fiction. Dammit, why is it so hard to understand? Why does every generation get their own stupid Fahrenheit 451 zombie acolytes of ‘purity’?
reblogging for
“Fahrenheit 451 zombie acolytes of ‘purity’”
Weird story but. When I was a kid my Mom used to pre-read a lot of books for me and then sticky tape shut anything that was anti-God and contained shit like kissing. I mean, sure, I was under 10, but. Still.
I was a voracious reader. And she gave me a VC Andrews book when I was 10 because I’d read everything in the house and most of the school library. So she gave it to me, thinking “Heaven must be about GOD”.
….IT WAS FUCKING NOT.
I remember reading the gory detail of Kitty killing that poor little hamster (or guinea pig – don’t remember that) and it’s babies. It was HORRIFIC.
And then… she only wanted me to read educational books… So at about 8, she gave me these books called Eyewitness Classics. And in the columns of these famous stories, they contained facts. So I had Dracula, Robin Hood, Hunchback of Notre Dame, and Black Beauty. IT WAS GORY AS SHIT. They discussed medieval torture, and horrible things they did to animals and just… horrific shit.
and yeah, okay, turns out I loved medieval torture and that was the beginning of my kink self…
IDK just whenever I read shit like the above I’m reminded of my Mom…
I feel compelled to explain what they are so that those who might be writing fanfictions or doing roleplays will know what these medals mean and imply.
Presidential Unit Citation Badge: This is awarded to a unit for gallantry and determination in accomplishing…
Wonder if he’s gotten other medals since then. I’d say he’d get at least the Medal of Honor for that final Red Skull mission right?
I’m just going to do this, because I spent a couple of months reading up on US military awards when I was writing for A-Team and for god’s sake I may as well put that to use.
1: Yeah, he’s probably got the Medal of Honor. He deliberately sacrificed his life to ditch a monstrous Nazi flying wing that was going to destroy New York City. That’s basically how you earn one.
In fact you can read through the names of US service personnel recipients and the deeds for which they were awarded the Medal of Honor on the Army’s website: http://www.army.mil/medalofhonor/recipients.html
Once you get started reading that, it is actually hard to stop. This, my friends, is a list of stone-cold balls-to-the-wall heroism. The lesser actions are humbling. The greater ones are jaw-dropping.
2: I wouldn’t be surprised if the DOD does in fact have a protocol for people who turn out not to be dead to receive previously posthumous awards (I mean, it’s a line of work where it could conceivably happen), but I don’t know what it is and am not dedicated enough to look it up. But a fic where he had to go through a ceremony where he was recognized with one long-delayed medal after another, turning progressively redder with self-consciousness, would be pretty darned hilarious.
Medals and awards he might have earned (all the medals and awards Steve would definitely have for his service in the WWII European theater, plus basically a systematic list of awards granted for being a big damn hero):
Medal of Honor (I’m betting)
Distinguished Service Cross (possibly: extraordinary acts of heroism or merit which don’t qualify for the Medal of Honor; if they didn’t give him the Medal of Honor for raiding that facility and saving 40+ Allied POWs, they might have given him this)
The Silver Star (possibly; awarded for gallantry in action that doesn’t qualify for the Distinguished Service Cross, so if they didn’t give him the Distinguished Service Cross, they almost certainly gave him this)
The Soldier’s Medal (possibly; acts of heroism not involving conflict with an enemy, e.g. rescuing a comrade from a burning building)
The Bronze Star (probably, possibly multiple times; acts of heroism, merit, or meritorious service in a combat zone)
In order of precedence, the Purple Heart goes here
Army Commendation Medal (probably, and probably with oak clusters for multiple awards; for heroism, meritorious achievement or service ranking below the Bronze Star; otherwise known as ‘Steve’s average day’)
Army Good Conduct Medal (can you doubt?—in wartime, awarded for one year of good service, unsullied by marks against your record—although ironically he probably doesn’t have this in comics continuity, because he was always deliberately getting into minor trouble in order to get into costume and hero up)
World War II European African Middle Eastern Campaign Medal (definitely; awarded for active service in these theaters of war)
World War II Victory Medal (definitely; awarded for active service in WWII)
The Howling Commandos may have also received other unit awards, awarded for various exceptional services and deeds. As a member, Steve would have these as well. (Unit awards are worn on the right breast; individual awards on the left.)
Now, there’s the question of whether he’s technically still in the service of the US military after he wakes up. SHIELD, while it existed, was a UN operation (probably; maybe; kinda-sorta?). In the real world, the UN has no standing troops of its own. Personnel are ‘loaned’ by member nations. So…is he a SHIELD operative, or an active US Army officer operating under SHIELD’s command?
If he’s still in the service of the US Army, then he’s got a few additional retroactive medals coming his way, and the potential to earn more. These include:
Defense Meritorious Service Medal (possibly; this is what they’d give him for heroism beyond the call of duty for military service with SHIELD or…god knows how the Avengers rate)
Joint Service Commendation Medal (possibly, if he’s awarded for exemplary military service with SHIELD)
National Defense Service Medal (definitely, if he’s still considered US Army active service)
Army Service Ribbon (he would’ve been awarded this retroactively after he woke up, assuming he’s still on active duty)
Army Overseas Service Ribbon (retroactive, assuming he’s still on active duty)
OH THANK GOD FOR YOU. Because I KNEW that Steve’s current dress uniform NOW would have more medals than the picture shows up (understandable, because that’s a photo taken in Steve’s career).
I honestly think he’s still active U.S. Army, just loaned out to SHIELD, since SHIELD, actually, is the new SSR.
A few things I’m imagining in this scenario:
a. Somebody more knowledgeable than me has said that Steve, whether or not he’s currently active US Army in the canon MCU ‘verse, should have gotten several promotions over the years he’s been MIA. So unless I’m wrong, Steve’s actual rank now is Colonel? Possibly higher? (Hi, Hannibal! – not the serial killer cannibal dude, i mean the A-Team guy) I’m betting they just call him “Captain Rogers” since “Colonel America” doesn’t have the same ring to it.
b. So basically, I need to write yet another fic (I know there are others out there), in which Steeb needs to get his medals sorted out and he’s EMBARRASSED AS ALL HELL because he’d really, REALLY rather not have all this fuss and maybe BUCKY guilts him into it, only for BUCKY to have the tables turned on him because, basically, due to the fact that’s he’s really the country’s longest-held POW and all the shit he’s been through? He also deserves a few medals (plus his own promotions) of his own!
c. The fact that Steeb is active US Army amuses the HELL out of me. And basically, who among the brass is going to ATTEMPT to put the whole chain of command thing on Steve? Can you imagine Ross trying to go toe to toe with Steve regarding the Hulk? Steve’s going to unleash epic hell on him for that one. (Oh dear Lord, what if Steve’s actual rank now is really General or if they attempted to bump him up to that but he initially refused but then decided to agree, if only because it would protect Bruce from Ross? Especially if Steve gets more stars than Ross does?)
write about 5000 words of porn or more – 3000 or more also acceptable, but you don’t really want to go under that. don’t tab to indent, i swear to god, it fucks with amazon’s formatting so bad. don’t write any porn that’d send you to jail IRL, amazon naturally (and thank god) doesn’t accept that shit.
on the ‘bookshelf’ tab, you click ‘add new title’, fill out everything, upload a cover – you can get one free image a month (or maybe a week now, i dunno) from bigstock.com if you need some stock images of people’s abs and stuff but can’t put cash down for anything just yet – and amazon has a cover making application built right into the process too to make things easier or if you don’t know shit about photoshop or whatever.
then you upload the document itself. click save and continue. choose how much you want your title to cost – 2.99 is generally what most people price theirs at, because that’s where amazon’s 70 percent royalties starts at. enroll in kindle select if you want that 70 percent royalties to apply to the whole world, so you’re getting the same royalties no matter where you sell.
then you hit publish and wait and wait and wait and wait for amazon to actually publish the fucking thing.
then you wait 60 days after the end of the month to get your royalties! don’t know why, but that’s how amazon rolls.
and you just keep making more and more titles in the meanwhile to build up that income cuz you’re not likely to make a lot from just one title.
there’s no real ‘gatekeepers’ in kindle erotica – you just start writing and publishing and you keep doing it and building up a library. some genres/kinks/niches sell better than others, and trends come and go, but it’s really all up to you – to do the writing, the publishing, the marketing, and then more writing and publishing. you just keep at it, bit by bit. this is a market where it’s really all about quantity… the bigger your library is, the more sales you’ll start to rack up, building like a snowball. even better if you release titles on like a regular schedule. ideally you want to put up like 2 titles a week, but 1 a week is a good initial goal to shoot for.
you can also go to amazon’s author central to set up an author page to get all your titles in one place and help build a reader base/link readers and buyers in general to.
godspeed anon!
hm.
HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM.
adding in my own hmmmmms
… I am seriously considering this. And also considering getting a proper pen name
Okay literally I’m reblogging this for the erotica how-to but also this is how Amazon self-pub works no matter what you write, like subject-wise, this is it for everything. OFC it doesn’t cover stuff like editing, cover art, marketing or pre-orders (Amazon used to have a pretty brutal pre-order deadline system, but they seem to be relaxing it after the last update? I can’t tell for absolute sure?), but in a bare-bones nutshell, yes, this is universal, and good information.
(I haven’t done Amazon Select because I like to get my stuff in with other sellers like Barnes and Noble/iBooks/Kobo – bc some people don’t buy from Amazon, and Select means you can’t sell anywhere but Amazon, in exchange for some extra promotional tools. If you want to do this, I suggest looking into the distributor ‘Draft2Digital,’ it’s a very easy all-in-one free service. Smashwords is also an indie standard, but more difficult to work with; I feel Ways about Smashwords.)
But yes, if you just want to do Amazon self-pub, this is a very good basic start.
So just a heads up for anyone who may not be familiar with taxes!
Amazon pays you as an independent contractor/self-employed, which means a couple of things. First, it means that the income you receive from Amazon will not be taxed! You’ll receive the full amount of whatever you earn from your sales, instead of the chopped up paycheck most employees are used to seeing.
This does not mean you don’t owe taxes! Sometime in January following the year you earn money from them, Amazon will send you a 1099-misc form listing the total amount of income you received in the previous year. If you use TurboTax/etc, it will walk you through how to input that, so don’t worry about that!
Here’s the stuff to note: If you makes less than $600 during the year, Amazon is not required to send you a 1099, but you are still supposed to report the income. The chance of you being audited for owing the IRS less than $100 is probably slim (it is barely worth what it costs to audit someone), but please take note and report the income as needed!
And the biggest thing!!!! Because your income is not being taxed upfront, it means you will OWE taxes come the following year!!! Self-employment tax is 15.3% (which you will notice is MUCH LOWER than what gets taken out of your employee/W2-based paycheck), so you will owe AT LEAST that the following year (more if you make TONS of money). Now if you are working as an employee, there’s a good chance that any money you owe will be cancelled out by whatever extra money the government took from your employee paycheck during the year.
BUT. If you earn a significant amount of self-employment income, or self-employment is your ONLY form of income, you will owe the government money in April!
The smartest thing to do when you earn any sort of self-employment income is to put 20% of that paycheck into a separate savings accounts. Just put it there and leave it there. If you can get a savings account with good interest, even better, but not necessary! That way when your taxes come due in April of the following year, you aren’t scrambling for money to pay them; the money will be sitting right there in your savings account!
Also, being self-employed allows you to report deductions for stuff, so you might want to look into that too, because it’ll save you money. After you pay your taxes, any money left in the account is yours to do whatever you want with!
source: I’ve been filing a 1099 as my sole source of income for about 4 years now (about to be 5)
personally I like to think steve’s birthday isn’t actually July 4th but someone asked him when his birthday was when he was doing his little show tour thingy and he just said it as an accident and/or a panic response in a bid to seem even more patriotic and everyone believed him and now it’s like 100 years later and he’s too deep in the lie to back out now bc he knows all the avenger’s would fucking publicly roast him if he admitted july 4th wasn’t actually his birthday- like he would literally never live that down- so he lives his life in fear that some bitch ass historian is gonna find his birth certificate and expose him
avengers: happy birthday, steve!
bucky, eyes narrowing: what the fuck your birthday isn’t until-
steve, holding back tears: shut up
Bucky tries to hand him a birthday card one cold December day, and Steve tackles him out a window before anyone else can see what he’s holding
hannahbelleeeebackup 