In other news, I watched TWS at work again today and I 100% do not understand how people do not see the suicidal ideation/behavior in the helicarrier fight I can no longer comprehend how that happens and I really kind of want to know how?? People don’t get that from that scene
#I mean#short of accusing us mentally ill people who have suicidal ideation and behaviors#of romanticizing suicide#by calling a spade a spade#because steve rogers is fucking depressed#deeply deeply depressed and he’d deny it every minute of the day#And then do something hideously dangerous#And people would say he’s heroic for constantly putting himself in harms way#one of us is romanticizing suicide disguised as risky behavior#but it sure as hell ain’t us#depression cw#suicide cw
I think you hit on the issue in your tags: Steve’s depressed, but the people who tend to think that he’s just being ~heroic~ don’t see him as depressed and thus don’t see the correlation. I mean, I tend to lurk in the side of fandom that’s pretty much in agreement that he’s definitely depressed and suicidal, so I haven’t really seen many nay-sayers. But in general, people tend to think that depression is this wallowing sadness where all you can do is lie in bed and cry, and Steve isn’t like that. The apathetic type of depression (which is what I think he has and it’s what I have) is the one ignored the most by people because it’s so hard to tell. Apathetic depression is easy to hide, because you usually end up going through the motions of life because that’s all you know how to do, and the effects are largely eternal.
And honestly, as a super soldier who already isn’t as affected by various things a normal human is, Steve’s behavior may look like heroism to someone on the outside, even though he’s doing those things to see if at least some feeling can be incited in him, regardless if it’s harmful or not.
I freaking hate roller-coasters, but when I was in a depressed episode and went to a theme park with my family, I went on rides I normally wouldn’t even think about going on, because at least blind panic and fear is something, you know? While my family, on the other hand, is going “hey, I thought you hated roller coasters, guess that changed!”
And the best thing is that a lot of the time you don’t realize you’re even doing that kind of behavior. Steve wasn’t thinking about committing suicide, I don’t think, at least not consciously in a lot of the movie. I think it had been on his mind, and I think unconsciously the thought was always there, but I don’t think he thought letting Bucky beat him and kill him was committing suicide; instead he thought it was saving Bucky. But the unconscious suicide ideation that has followed him through the last years is what was really was driving him.
I hope this makes sense? I mean, like, he’s not going to admit that he’s suicidal, and I don’t think he would actively seek it out, as in go “I’m going to commit suicide”, but it’s definitely there in the background, and I think NT people have trouble seeing that because they’re not used to the background suicide ideation that depressed people live with, which may color your actions, but you’ll never straight up admit.
*caresses meta lovingly*
#steve rogers is fucking depressed#steve rogers#meta#steve rogers meta#captain america#ca: tws#depression tw#suicidal ideation tw#do you two queue
hannahbelleeeebackup 